How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
