Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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