Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
