Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize