All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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