atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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