I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize