He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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