My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
