I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
