"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
40s are totally the cure
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
