i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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