So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
