loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
