I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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