You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
