I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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