Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
