I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
