Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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