her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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