i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
