Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
