Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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