Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
