i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize