I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
