You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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