I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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