How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
