we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
