Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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