so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
farters have to be the big spoon...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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