ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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