We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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