i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
