note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
is wine microwaveable?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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