So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You took a bar mat shot.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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