you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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