Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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