Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
