I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
