I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
