i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I seem to have left my pride at pride
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
