I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
