I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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