party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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