As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Houston, we have a blender
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
