I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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