So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
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You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
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I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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