New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
