so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
