Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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