...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
