Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
