She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
