I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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