Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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