I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
