I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
