when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
false alarm, still single
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