Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
