They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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