He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
