Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
