The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
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So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
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I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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