apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
