About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
