Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
