Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
