You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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