To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
