Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
