Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
