there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
