omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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