I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
