I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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