I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
