I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
