did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
