Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
